living in the moment, sort of.

So what's this "new life" I mentioned? I guess it's about more balance, more freedom, the pursuit of joy and a conscious understanding as to what I want. And, it's about sharing part of that life with a man I met quite by accident, and have been with in a relationship for nearly three years. One of these days soon I'll tell you about Robert - he's amazing to me.

I'm currently retired from the workplace, but I'm too young for that to become a permanent condition..... I'll cross that bridge when I'm ready again. In my mind I'm trying to create a vision for my future (Robert and I want to buy our own home and live together), and, since I believe in Affirmations put out to "the Universe",  I fully intend on reaching certain goals in whatever time I have left. That might be only one day more to live... or twenty five years of productivity and happiness. Naturally, I opt for the latter! The inspirational literature I read exhorts us all to "live in the present" because you never know what tomorrow will bring ~ well, I have one foot in the present and one in the future as of now. 


Three years ago I'd been a widow for about a  year, was very lonely and still coping with quick but horrible flashbacks to my husband's illness and death. Also, still trying to realize what life was going to be like as a middle-aged woman who now needed to let go of caregiving, to find a way to center herself, and to find a way make a living wage in order to keep a roof over my own head. I was, at times, nervous enough about it to envision "bag lady" status!


I tried several jobs, and was heartened to get hired at every interview I landed, regardless of my age, my rusty skills, and the declining economy.  One job lasted only six days - whoops! The next lasted six months, and the third lasted almost two years. And though I had challenges at each job, I learned a bunch. More of life and relationship skills than job skills, to be truthful. You never stop learning and I welcome new opportunities - which seem to arrive daily whether I want them to or not!

I have a  friend who has quite suddenly been diagnosed as gravely ill. She is also a widow, and her two daughters don't live in the area, both having their own families and full-time jobs. The sisters are scrambling to get their mother the proper care she needs immediately. You always think, even when a family does somewhat pre-plan these things, that you'll have TIME to make it all work.

As of a few days ago, the number one issue was to find a way to curb the sudden onset of severe pain from the cancer that seems to be moving like a wildfire throughout her body. Within two days after testing and diagnosis was achieved, they'd already upped dosage and changed medications several times. Because I thought that somebody needed to do it (and not for any kind of egotistic reason), I gathered together a support group of women who have in common either an organization, an informal group that plays bridge together, or simply their mutual fondness for my friend.  I started "Maryann-Mail" emails, to keep the gals informed of the situation, but mostly to solicit people's time and effort for delivering meals and for taking my friend to therapy.  I was able to get everybody's availability and their compassionate support in  readiness. The idea was to coordinate it so that there wouldn't be an overlap of too much food, nor any uncovered window of time to accompany her for treatments.

"Life": minute to minute things change. In only the one full day it took me to organize eighteen friends to help Maryann at home, my girlfriend was put in the hospital on IV pain meds, and taking treatments right from her hospital bed. I have those gals and a church organization all waiting in the wings... The doctors say this radiation will reduce her pain to manageable and then, chemo can begin.


Come home soon, my friend; we're waiting for you, one day at a time.